and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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