i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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