my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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