Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
being pregnant is like rehab
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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