ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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