Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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