Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
