my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
