Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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