I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
