i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
