the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
