So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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