So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
