Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
