Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
