What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
