Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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