he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
