WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
