Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
