Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
