I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
