So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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