tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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