she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
