Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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