Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
