You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
