How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
