And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
