Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
