i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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