the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
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Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
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He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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