yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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