it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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