You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
