I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
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I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
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I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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