just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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