I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
