that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
