Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
