shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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