You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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