That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
