It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
