I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
