4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize