I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
