Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
