I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
