Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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