Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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