I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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