there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
