I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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