Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize